Depression is a Choice

The title of today's post is also a title of a really good book I'm reading.  The woman who wrote it is a psychologist (went to school to be one when she was about my age).  But she actually spends most of the book explaining how weak the foundation is for the modern approach to mental health and the general practices of most in her profession, as well as the psychiatric profession. 

I had checked this book out of the library along with several others as I simply pulled some in a relatively random manner from the shelves because I had decided it was time to do something.  I was sensing some of the emotional roller coaster that had me just about worn out was really not all about my circumstances.  There was something going on that I should be able to get control of instead of waiting on someone to come and save me.

Don't get me wrong.  I believe there is definitely a time to wait on the Lord and he makes sure that we are completely frustrated in our efforts to "better our life" so we don't become strong in the flesh and spiritually weak.  However... there are the pits we keep jumping into all on our own, and I was sensing that I was finding myself in the same pit over and over again in my life and it was time to figure out a way around the pit.  Yes, I've read Beth Moore's book Get out of That Pit.  And maybe some of this was covered, and maybe I wasn't ready to hear it.

I'm only halfway through the book, but that's enough to make a big difference.  Though she may or may not be a Christian (she quotes the Bible and theologians, but also philosophers and Eastern Mystics... who have been known to say some very wise things themselves, so I have just rolled with it so far) she says what many in the Church, that I've heard, are not courageous enough to say.  And this is it:  Depression is a choice.  It is a choice to allow our emotions to carry us away into a pit of despair and hopelessness.  We have control over what we decide to think about and the part of the mind from which depression springs is a separate part of the mind that is able to be analytical or creative, so if we do something as simple as count to 100 or sing a nursery rhyme, the thoughts that carry us away into an emotional frenzy, of either depression or of a manic nature, cannot remain.

The idea is to realize that we don't have to be depressed.  That depression will pass on its own if we don't give so much attention to it.  Though our body chemistry does change in response to these feelings that follow wrong thoughts, the chemistry is not the cause and can be changed by choosing better thoughts. 

The most cool thing she has expressed in her book is that Psychologists are severely missing the boat if they talk about fighting depression without bringing up ideas like Courage and Social Responsibility and Moral Authority.  In short, we have a responsibility to the people around us to maintain a  cheerful heart.  I have decided to take this approach in our family, by the way.  I have decided that I have a responsibility to provide for my children a cheerful mother.  The Lord knows that I know very well the effect depressed parents can have on their children.  They really aren't there, no matter how much they try to fake it, and the children know it.

And it works the other way too.  I am teaching my children that they have a responsibility to cheerful.  I'm not saying they're not allowed to be sad, but I have a few, one in particular, that really loves a good pity party.  When you ask her why she's sad and you show her how that reason does not hold up, she shifts quickly to find something else she should be upset about.  The truth is, she wants pity.  She's addicted to it.  (I can't imagine where she would pick up such a thing! :) )  So if she gets in that mode, I don't cater to it and tell her that she can go to her room if she wants to sulk and can join us when she's cheerful.  But most of the time it doesn't go that far.  Usually, I can distract her as she's starting to break down in tears but throwing some  math fact problems at her (she's 8) and it's amazing how quickly she snaps out of her downward spiral.  I do the same with the older children, but with times table facts.  The simply snap out of what is essentially temporary insanity and I can usually move them quite past the moment and they forget to be upset.

It works for me too.  There are certain subjects that are poison for my mind to dwell on.  I have had some things happen in my life that I only have to think about for a few minutes and easily end up in tears.  But what good does that do?  No good whatsoever.  No one is helped by it.  I'm starting to realize home schooling has saved me from a complete breakdown because I've been too busy to do much thinking at all.  Some people would call this denial.  But I've decided to not feel guilty for being happier than I "ought" to be.  I can't change my past.  I can learn from it and live the "right now".  And I've taken to singing the most simple praise songs and decided not to feel guilty if I'm not "worshiping" while I sing them.  Those songs make it impossible to keep a depressing thought from existing in my mind and maintain a cheerful heart for which my family is grateful. 

Oh, I have so much more on this subject. But I'm going to let that be it for now.